"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
