In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
