Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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