he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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