spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
