I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
