remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
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Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
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So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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