I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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