All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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