I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
