This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
