apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
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drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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