party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
