Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So vagazzling was a success
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
