If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.