I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter