Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage