someone threw a dead crab at me
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs