hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
