That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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