8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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