So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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