first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
