a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
