their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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