and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
