I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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