So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so let's talk penis.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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