i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
you never un-have a 4some
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
