I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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