I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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