im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
