you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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