dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
