Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm like, not good at living.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
