you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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