3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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