Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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