how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
