That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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