Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
