that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
