My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
