She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
