how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
