just come out here and I will go home with you...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Everything about him screamed your future.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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