i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
