it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
