I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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