That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
