Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
