oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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