filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
