He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize