Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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