My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
