he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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