fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
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Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
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He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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