While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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