I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
