Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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