Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
