The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
