I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
