I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
