I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
