Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
