you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
40s are totally the cure
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
