i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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