I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
